The Decadians

The date was August 27, 1997. It was before President Clinton "did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinski", and when Princess Diana was still alive (if only for a few days). There were still two twin towers and relative peace in the middle east. Locally, we were excited to start a new Steelers season with Kordell, Yancey Thigpen, and that new guy, Jerome Bettis. I don't remember what gas prices were, but I can guarantee the words "hmmmm 2.63 a gallon, that's pretty good" never came out of my mouth. And, in three short minutes my life changed forever with the birth of three precious little souls.

Those precious little souls turned 10 today. 10. That's almost unbelievable. Many moments of these 10 years are such a blur. But, I do remember the sleepless nights and trying to keep in mind that seasoned mothers of multiples told me the first year was the hardest. Then, when they got to be arounud 18 months, I realized the mothers of multiples lied to new mothers...the second year is the hardest. I remember snuggles and bedtime kisses. I remember firsts: walking, talking, preschool, kindergarten. I remember them loving Barney, Sesame Street, and the Teletubbies. I remember seeing God in a fresh perspective that only young children can bring. Oh, it's been tiring and stressful and hard, but it has been rewarding and exciting and wonderful.

Now, Barney and Teltubbies have given way to Hannah Montana and High School Musical. The firsts we have to look forward to are more scary: crushes, kisses, heartbreaks. Lucky for me, I still get plenty of snuggles and bedtime kisses. The long, lonely days of being home with toddlers has given way to days that go by far too quickly. I am so proud of who my children are at this age. I really give most of this credit to God. I love who each one of them is and are turning into.

I can't beleive my babies are 10. Sure, the world may have changed a lot since this date 10 years ago, but not nearly as much as those teeny tiny babies changed my world and stole my heart. Happy Birthday guys, I love you.

La La Land

There's where I must have been a few short months ago. You see, I imagined that by 6 weeks, Hayleigh would be sleeping through the night, I would be back in my pre-pg clothing and I would be back volunteering at church and school just like before. Instead, we are still up twice a night, my maternity clothing is now my regular clothing and I am lucky if I can shower daily, much less help someone else do something. What was I thinking???


Speaking of La La Land, sleep deprivation does strange things to people. I remember with the trips this little exchange happened:

Jaden's NICU nurse: "You look so well rested Mrs. Klan, I know you can't be getting much sleep."

Me: (At least what I thought I said or meant to say)"Well, caffeine does wonders."
Me: (What I actually said) "Cocaine does wonders".

Nice...

This time:
Me:"Hi, Trisha's othodontic applaince is loose, she needs to see the doctor."
receptionist: "Well, the doctor is out of town this week. The soones we can get her is next Tuesday."
Me: "Ok, that will be fine...is it OK if she eats" ?
Receptionist: (LONG PAUSE) "Well it probably wouldn't be good for her to eat nothing for the next week."
Me: Yeah...

Also, I tend to stop mid sentence and never finish, like this example

Me:"Hi. can you babysit for me on Tuesday. Just the four older kids, I'll take the baby."
Babysitter:"Sure. What time?"
Me:"Well if you could be here at 5 till 9 .........."
Babysitter: "OK"
Well, when she didn't show up at 8:55, I called her mom. SHe thought I wanted her from 5-9 pm. And, since I didn't finish my sentence, well who could blame her.

And then there was this really funny one involving the mailman and a pair of socks.........................................................................................................

Pony League World Series and Some Laughs

So, a few days ago Jaden participated in what has become a yearly event for him: The "Friends" game that opens the Pony League World Series. This is something that is very exciting for Jaden. And, for some reason, every year I always get emotional watching it. I'm not always sure why. I thought perhaps it was because I was so happy to see Jaden so excited...that could be. I thought perhaps it was because of the contrasts. I mean here are some of the best 13 and 14 year old players in the world, and then there's Jaden, which although extremely athletic and wonderful, a Pony league player he will never be. Maybe that's it, but heck, Jonathan or Ryan are mostl likely never going to play in the Pony League World Series, and that doesn't upset me. So, for some years now I haven't been able to put my finger on it. Until this year.

I realized the reason I get so emotional is because of the condescension. Like the announcer continually saying how the "friends" are creaming the pony leaguers and how embarassing it is. I don't think Jaden knows any better. FOr now, I think he still believes that he legitimately beat a Pony League team. I'm not going to be the one to tell him, but I feel bad that one day he is going to figure it out and that might taint the memories he has of these games. I don't think he knows yet, that to the fans and the players, we are to be pitied. I don't know how he will feel when he figures that out.

ANYWAYS, to brighter topics...some recent quotes:

Ryan: "Jaden what was the final score?"
Jaden:"Like 10 to 0"
Ryan: "Whoa man you totally dominated!"
********************************************************
Trisha: "Mom, can I get hardwood floors in my bedroom for my birthday?"
Me: "No."
Trisha: "Ok. How abut hair extensions?"
********************************************************
Jonathan: "Jaden I know you want to be a professional basketball player when you grow up, but what if that doesn't work out. You need a Plan B."
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Ryan: (while looking at Hayleigh's naked chest) "Pretty soon, Hayleigh, those are going to get really big."
********************************************************
Me: "I think I am going to need to buy Trisha some bras".
Rob: "Shut up"
Me: "well, you know, she is going into 4th grade, and I think I had my first bra in 4th grade. And, if you think of it, she could be in 5th grade, and heck, some girls had their periods when I was in 5th grade."
Rob: "No, really. Shut up."
*********************************************************

One Month Old

Ok, I lied..she's really five weeks old, but I did mean to put these pics up when she turned 1 month old.

Balance

It wasn't long after becoming a mother that I realized my main job was to keep life balanced in the home. Maybe many first time moms don't see that, maybe they do. But, because I had triplets and one with "special needs", I quickly saw that without some vigilance things could quickly get unbalanced.

For instance, I never have liked the term "special needs" when referring to a handicapped child. Because, really what does this mean?? I mean really all of us have special needs. I know that Trisha has a special need for cuddling and for one-on-one time...always has. I know that Jonathan has a special need to have his own space and to be warned of things that are going to be different from the norm. Ryan has a special need to have his sensitive side protected. And, to think for one instance that Jaden's special needs have anything to do with his inabiltiy to walk would be to not value him as a person. He has a special need to talk through anxious situations and to be given opportunities to act like any other child. So, you see they each have needs and no one is greater than the other or more legitimate than the other.

All of this to say, that I have decided to let up on myself and the breastfeeding. This comes after several days of near constant feeding. You see, Hayleigh's special needs right now are for nutrition and for physical touch. And, through breastfeeding her needs have usurped the needs of everyone else in the house and things have gotten terribly unbalanced. SO, I began thinking that if I could meet her need for nutrition and closeness in a way that doesn't take ALL DAY LONG then that might be a good idea for all of us, even if does mean (GASP!) that she may have to drink formula from time to time. If by doing that it can free up some of my time to meet the special needs of my other kids and hey, maybe even a need or two of my husband's and still meet Hayleigh's needs, I think it has to be a win/win.

Of course, I wish I was able to successfully EBF (exclusively breastfeed) at least one of my kids. Just not in the cards. I'm not sure I am willing to throw my entire family under the bus when there is a way that is easier and softer on all of us. It's more balanced. And, that's my job. To keep balance in the home, so that everyone here can find a place where there special needs are being met.

2 weeks old

Already. Wow. She is generally doing great. She still is not back to birthweight yet, which means I have been pumping and giving her bottles so that we can monitor her intake. I think I'll have to do this at least until her 1 month check-up and we'll see how much she weighs then. It's a PITA to say the least, but I really, really want to keep breastfeeding. Here's some more pics...



She's holding her nose. This is after I apologized to her for stinking so bad since I was not able to get a shower that day. Too funny!!



Here she is all dressed up for church.






She has a blocked tear duct in her left eye which you can see here. Poor thing.

Life with a Newborn

Other possible titles for this post included: "Sleeping is for losers!" or "The Hormone Swing: Not just a thrill ride anymore!" or "Oh, my aching nipples"!.

I am finding life with a newborn, so far, to be a bit like a Dickens novel: it is the best of times and the worst of times.

It's the best of times because Hayleigh is just so sweet. I love looking at her perfect little fingers and toes and ears and her skin is so soft and she makes sweet little squeaking noises. SHe is starting to have some awake time where she is just looking around and absorbing the crazy environment around her. She is just so perfect...I am often just overwhelmed with her miniature perfection. I also love seeing the children interact with her. I knew Trisha would be great, but I have to admit how surprised I am by Ryan. He is totally protective of her and just so cute. One morning, he came into my room, checked on the baby, nodded his head, and walked out of the room without saying a word.

Of course, it's also the worst of times. Not getting any sleep, nursing until I feel like my breasts are going to fall off, feeling guilty for neglecting the other children because Hayleigh's needs are so consuming, etc, etc, etc. Last night, Hayleigh nursed for three hours straight! Three hours, people. Just let that sink in for awhile. I'm committed to breast feeding. It has many, many benefits for both of us, not to mention, I think it might be my ticket to losing some of this baby weight. So, committed in fact, that I've called several lactation consultants, doulas, medela dealers, etc. (read:perfect strangers) to talk about my breasts. It's a pride-sucking experience.

I know things will get better, we'll get into a routine. I know I'm going to blink and Hayleigh is going to be in college. I am trying to enjoy every moment I have with her...even if it is 2 in the morning!

Hayleigh Alexandra

Join us in welcoming Hayleigh! She was born July 10th on Ryan's birthday. (Yes, 5 kids, 2 birthdays!) 2:33 pm after a wonderful 6.5 hour labor. She was 8 pounds, 3 ounces and 21 inches long.

We're in love!

Coulrophobia

NO, this is not the fear of never giving birth, although I think I am developing that as well. Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. While my sister has a very long, documented case of such an issue, I first developed it just a few short days ago....

We were eating at a wonderful famiyl establishment where kids eat free on Tues. They also have a clown there for entertaining. For anonymity sake, we'll call her "Bubbles". "Bubbles" is known as the slowest clown known to humankind. YOu can wait in line for 20 minutes to get your face painted and a balloon animal, that is if only one person is ahead of you. So, Trisha gets in line and is finally ready to get her face painted. Here's the conversation that ensues:

Bubbles: Yup, there's lots of kids who have drove by here and left crying because they didn't see Bubbles van. You know why they don't see Bubbles van?
Trisha: Shrug
Bubbles: Because Bubbles was a bad, bad girl. Do you want to know why Bubbles was a bad, bad girl.
Trisha: looks at me for help
Bubbles: Because I brought my jeep. My van is in the shop. I took it in and the guy said it was my fuel pump. And I said what? And he said yeah. And I said what? And he said yeah. And I said I got my fuel pump fixed 2 years ago, and he said that'll be $500. And, that's why there are lots of kids crying tonight.
Trisha: looks at me for help

Now, if that weren't bad enough. 3 hours later after all of my kids had gotten their balloon animals and painted faces,we were ready to leave. TO leave, you have to pass Bubbles table. So, while Rob leaves the tip I am walking past with all of the kids. Bubbles has a line about 20 miles long. (Apparently, some parents had thought since they didn't see Bubbles van it was safe to go in.) As I am walking past, she yells out to me:

Bubbles: Hey lady! Whatcha got there? (Pointing at my belly)
Me: Yeah...I had a little too much to eat at the buffet tonight. (Keep walking)
Bubbles: No, really. Whatcha got there?
Me: Uh, it's a baby. (Somehow I thought that was a rheotrical question)
Bubbles: Haven't you learned what causes that yet? I could pull you aside and tell you?
Me: Ha. Ha. (Pulling out tazer gun.)
Bubbles: When are you due? Last week.

Unfortunately, Bubbles is no longer with us. But, I do wish her all of the best in eternity.

Getting from there to here

As I sit (hopefully) on the verge of ushering another little soul into the world, I can't help but think of the journey that has gotten me here.

Rob and I decided to start trying for children in the summer of 1995. I always had irregular cycles and knew that it might be a challenge, but I figured a little medicine and we'd be on our way. It took 18 months to get pregnant. Those times were not fun, to say the least. I learned all about charting and timing and other such mechanincs of babymaking. Every month, we upped the dose of hormones and every month was a failure. I can remember going in my car and screaming my head off, partly out of frustration and partly because of what the hormones were doing to me. I can also remember sitting on the floor of my shower bawling with the realization that this month was once again a failure. Finally, however, in Jan. 1997, I was pregnant. Such a thrill!! The pregnancy, however, was not the smoothest. Starting with the fact that I was having triplets. What would I ever do with three babies?? There was also the threatened miscarriage at 11 weeks, that had me bleeding off and on until 20 weeks, the amnios that left me leaking fluid for two weeks, a confirmed birth defect in one baby, bedrest, contractions, constant monitoring, Magnesium Sulfate to stop labor, all culminating in giving birth 8 weeks early to little pumpkins who spent time in the NICU (which is a horror all in it's own). The second I saw my babies, I knew I would do it again just to have them. I knew I would give my life for theirs in an instant. However, as I was discharged from the hospital without them, I couldn't help but feel jipped. This was not what I had pictured all of those months as I was trying to get pregnant.

Fast forward two years and two months and completely out of the blue, I find myself pregnant again. No drugs, no shots, just the old fashioned way. It was a bit overwhelming, frankly, at the time, given that the triplets were two and were a bit, um, well, two, and given the fact that our marriage was not in the best place at all. We had gone to a Family Life marriage weekend as truly a last ditch effort to save our marriage, and came home with a little souvenier. This pregnancy was awesome. Three of my close friends were also pregnant and due in July, 2000. Everything was so smooth and in the end, I had a wonderful 8 pound boy, delieverd spontaneously, with immediate bonding. It was perfect. I felt so blessed to be able to have experienced childbirth the way it "should" be and it wasn't long before I found myself wanting another baby.

People always ask me if this baby was planned and I find that a difficult question to answer. Rob had always been adamanatly opposed to another child, and, frankly, my cycles had gotten very wacky in my old age. I had gone all through 2004 and 2005 without a cycle on my own. FOr some reason, in 2006, things started to come back to some sort of normal, but I could never predict when I might ovulate. I could be 2 months, it could be 4. In September, I had a chemical pregnancy (positive pregnancy test, followed by a late period the day after), which I found to be devestating. Rob said we could try again, and I took him up on the offer. Of course, I had no idea if I would ovulate again. Imagine my surprise when in mid-October, I felt I was ovulating (all of that info from my infertle days paying off), and by Halloween I knew I was pregnant. I am now one of those who got pregnant on the first try!

All of this to say, even though I complain about how miserable I am, I know I am blessed. I think of women who, today even, are screaming in their cars or crying on the floor of their showers wishing to be in the place that I am in today. I feel very grateful that God has redeemed what I felt was taken from me in my first pregnancy/delivery experience. I know that I am blessed. God could have chosen any way to bring humans into the world, and for some reason, He chose to allow women the privelage of joining Him in creation. I am blessed.

Hopefully, my next post will be a birth announcement!!

38 weeks and counting....

In honor of my own personal misery, I've created another Top 10 list.

Top 10 Signs that your close to delivery:

10. You think fondly back to the early days of pregnancy when you only had to get up one or two times per night to pee.
9. The words "fingertip dialated" send you over the edge, because you know it's a euphamism for "see you next week still pregnant."
8. You begin thinking that the pain of labor will be a welcome reprieve from the pain of your sciatica.
7. You being thinking that being up all night with a newborn will be a welcome repreive from being up all night with heartburn.
6. You have to do moves that a contortionist would find amazing just to wipe your own butt.
5. You are willing to try any and every old wives tale out there to get baby to come out, including that terrible three letter word...J-O-G!
4. If one more person calls me and asks me if I've had the baby yet...I swear I'll explode.
3. You fantasize of carrying around a stun gun to tazer anyone who inadvertently pisses you off. Like the people mentioned in #4 or the worship leader at church who made me stand through 5 songs yesterday. Just as an example.
2. You are constantly smelling your underwear to see if what just leaked was urine (again!) or perhaps maybe, just maybe, please God let it be amniotic fluid.
1. You know the second you hold that precious little precious in your arms, all of this will be a distant memory and very much worth every minute of it!

I got an email today that said 95% of all babies arrive between 38 and 40 weeks, so here's hoping. But, don't call or email to ask me...you might just get tazered!

Incessant Bragging Part 2

I needed to post more pictures.



When Trisha wasn't Alice, she played many different parts, one was a flower. Oh, I can't forget to mention that she also won a $100 savings bond for coming in first place in our township's coloring contest for her grade level.




More Ryan playing baseball. Look at the skill with which he rounds third base. I think he gets his running skills from me!



Jaden ready to take a shot in wheelchair basketball. He plays once per month and loves it. Hence the desire to be the first Harlem Globetrotter in a wheelchair when he grows up.

Incessant Bragging

I haven't done much incessant bragging about my children lately, and since it is promised in the description of my blog, I thought I was due:



I already posted Jonathan in the talent show for Life Is a Highway, but he was also in a Suessical number that his entire third grade class did. It was adorable.



Jaden did some fancy basketball dribbling moves in the talent show. He did an act all by himself, and it was really good!




Jonathan with his soccer team on the day of the tournament. He wasn't on the best of teams, but he was one of the better players. I know the glasses look a little silly, but they sure help improved his play!



Trisha as Alice in Alice through the Looking Glass. She shared the lead with another girl. I am sure that I do not have to tell you who was better, by far, at the part. Trisha even looks like Alice for goodness sakes!



Ryan baseball shot. He loves, loves, loves baseball. And, for his first time playing the sport, I am so very impressed with how well he plays.

Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner

Not only is this a most excellent line from one of my favorite movies (Can you guess which movie?), it is also the theme I, personally, am giving to a baby shower that was thrown for me this past weekend. Not only did my wonderful friends not put baby in a corner, they celebrated her in a big way!! It was truly very humbling to have all of these people come to this shower and were so generous in their giving. Considering that not one of the people who came are related to me, and therefore, might feel obligates to come. I was quite humbled. I know that Hilary got a lot of flack for her "It Takes a Village to Raise a Child" book, but I do know that it is good for kids to know that there are other eyes watching them when their parents eyes are not. And, I have to say I am so thankful to be part of such an amazing village of families!



These were the wonderful hostesses. Have you ever seen such fabulous women in your life? Just hanging around their fabulousness makes me look good!




George Bush was kind enough to make it to my shower as well...even sporting some pink.




I got such wonderful stuff. As-Of-Yet-Unnamed-Baby-Girl-Klan is set up quite well. As Trisha said, "We've been overrun with cuteness!!".




Speaking of Trish...here we are. I can't really express enough how much I loathe pictures of me at this point. I had read in an article that if you turn to the side and put your leg up, it makes you look slimmer...well, I think I'm pretty much beyond help at this point, especially with the 90 degree weather that day blowing my legs and ankles up like balloons!

Overall a great time, and like I said I am so thankful for my wonderful friends!

Jonathan hamming it up

Here's Jonathan at the Talent Show...He's the one on the right.

Hooray! It's June!

The doctor who delivered Ryan said that the last few weeks of pregnancy are God's way of preparing you for childbirth, because you'll go through anything, including labor, just to get the darn thing out of you! Over the few years that my children have been in school, I have used the same analogy. The last few weeks of school with field trips, field days, talent shows, presentations, etc, etc, etc, are God's way of preparing you for summer vacation, because you'll go through anything, including having your children with you all day, everyday, just for the insanity to stop.

The question is, however; what is God trying to teach someone when these two occurances collide? And, when it is 90 degrees out? I'm not sure. In fact, I think that the collision of these three forces creates a very great evil. But, at least it's June, and with the exception of the heat, it will all be over soon!

5 1/2 days!

This is what I heard this morning as my children were leaving for the bus stop. 5 1/2 days being the number of days left of school. Most people have said the school year has flown by...I assume they have not been pregnant for most of it. But, still, I can't help but think how much things have changed in my life since August, 2006.

Those first few days alone were horrible. The house was terribly quiet, and time dragged by terribly slow. I missed by kids by 11:00 every day. I begged my friends to invite me to lunch, to go walking, for coffee, anything. And, the kindly obliged. But, then, I volunteered up at school, and got a job, and then (surprise!) got pregnant. And, just like everyone said would happen, my time filled up and I ended up spending most of the year running around like a chicken wihtout a head.

My kids had great years...all of them. Phenomenal, really. Except for a little bit of girl stuff, but I'm beginning to think that is unavoidable.

To Mrs. B~I want to say thank you for creating a nurturing environment for Ryan. Thank you for seeing his "special energy", as we've come to call it, as an asset, rather than something that needed to be disciplined or drugged out of him. I am so thankful for you!

To Mrs. B~Thank you for being so creative. The way you encouraged Trisha's creativity made her like a pig in mud in your class. I will not forget your coming to see her play on a very cold December evening, when I am sure you had other things to do. I am so thankful for you!

To Miss P ~ I wasn't so sure about you at first, I will admit, but I appreciate your creativity and your ability to be consistent in your expectations. That is exactly what my Jaden needs and that is why he thrived in your class. I appreciate your willingness to think outside the box for solutions for him, and I admire the way you have stood your ground against the many parent complaints you received (unwarrantedly) this year. I am so thankful for you!

To Ms. Z ~ I want to thank you for a great year for Jonathan. I appreciate the way that you created such a warm atmosphere in your classroom where everyone was really friends. Case in point: having everyone from your class in a talent show routine. Jonathan leaves your classroom having gained a lot of knowledge and a lot of close frienships. I am so thankful for you!

It has been a good year. And, next year, I won't have to worry about the transition to having everyone gone, since I'll be busy with an infant. Plus, I know that time has a way of getting filled up, which is why I intend to make the most of every moment I have with my kids this summer!

If parenting is a competition, score 1 loss for me

So, yesterday turned out to be pretty exciting. Around 7:20 pm, Ryan hit Jaden in the head with a baseball bat. Nice. What's even better is that for a few minutes I heard some screaming outside and was getting all mad thinking that Jaden and Ryan were out there fighting again. I was just about to give them both a large piece of my mind, along with some consequence, when Ryan rushed through the door. "Mom, um, well, I was playing baseball, and it was an accident, and well, I accidentally hit Jaden in the head with my baseball bat (aluminum) accidentally." I ran out the door all the while screaming something about God...a prayer I'm sure, only to see that Jaden has a lump on the side of his head that is cartoon-like. Sort of like the kind Elmer Fudd would get when trying to catch Bugs Bunny. I never thought that was funny on TV, and I can assure you that I did not find it funny last night, either.

So, off to the ER. The Dr. comes in and tells Jaden he will be getting a CT Scan and she starts to explain what that is. Jaden says, "I know what it is. I just wish someone would tell me why it is called a CAT scan, because I have never once seen a cat!" part way through her little speech. Poor kid. As we are sitting there waiting for the results of the CT scan, all I can think besides "Dear God let everything be all right" is "I.CAN.NOT.DO.THIS." and by I can not do this, I mean have this new baby. It was insane to think that we could have another baby and deal with the insanity that happens around here on a regular basis. The other thing I was thinking of was how I kept thinking that maybe I should go outside and sit down while they were playing outside. I, obviously, never followed that motherly instinct. Nice.

Turns out he's fine. Minor concussion. had him home today watching and monitoring. He had a headache this morning and was slightly lethargic, but he's happily playing video games now. Another major crisis averted, thank God. There is a new rule here in our house, that there is no playing with baseball bats unless mom or dad is outside.

Tripmom's Book Club

I don't really get an opportunity to do much reading, but when I visited my sister a few weeks back, I did some reading on the plane, and I am here to highly recommend this book: "Death by Suburb: How to Keep the Suburbs from Killing Your Soul" by David Goetz. I must warn you, this is a non-fiction book. However, I know the readers of Kiddyland to be very bright and learned people, so I am sure this is no problem. It gives 8 great tips to living a "thicker" life beyond lattes, SUVs and soccer. Not that those things are bad in and of themselves.

In one part, the author relays a story about an acquaintance whose wife was diagnosed with cancer. In addition to caring for her and their children and trying to keep up with the demands at work, he was scheduled to coach his son's little league soccer game. He noticeed halfway through the game that one of the playera had left the game. Afterwards, he found out why. The parents, upset that their daughter was not getting the playing time they felt she deserved pulled her from the game and went home. "He thought he had rotated all of the players through. He said he didn't say much to the wife when he called later for damamge control. Soccer is stupid when you think your wife is dying." p.48

Another quote:

"Successful children are the ultimate glory in today's Park District and Travel team culture. Children level the playing field. Whether from blue money, new money, or no money, each child represents real potential for glory in the here and now. They are the ultimate extension of ourselves. ...Parenting is hard these days, perhaps because it truly is today's most competitive sport."

I really could blog about this book all day. But, instead just read it for yourselves. And, if you happen to actually do that, let me know what you think!

I probably shouldn't be let out of the house...

Because I just can't be held responsible for my emotions lately. It's really bad. I just never know what is going to happen.

For example, I was watching my TiVo'd Desperate Housewives on Monday. And, I started crying when Lynette found out about her cancer. Fine, I'm sure that's probably in the realm of normal. My problem: I kept crying about it all day. All day, people. I suppose bursting into tears for no reason is nothing new to this pregnancy. A few weeks ago,the whole fam was playing hide and seek. I thought I had a totally great hiding place, but Rob found me right away. You guessed it...I started crying. It just seems to be happening alot lately.

Then, there's the other thing. You just never know when I might flip someone off. Not literally, but in my heart. I was at field day last week and I swore someone was staring at me. I know I am huge. I know it's kind of like a freak show, but c'mon. I thought I might punch her.

It's probably just better if I lock myself up at home...that way no one gets hurt! :)