Monday, June 25, 2007

38 weeks and counting....

In honor of my own personal misery, I've created another Top 10 list.

Top 10 Signs that your close to delivery:

10. You think fondly back to the early days of pregnancy when you only had to get up one or two times per night to pee.
9. The words "fingertip dialated" send you over the edge, because you know it's a euphamism for "see you next week still pregnant."
8. You begin thinking that the pain of labor will be a welcome reprieve from the pain of your sciatica.
7. You being thinking that being up all night with a newborn will be a welcome repreive from being up all night with heartburn.
6. You have to do moves that a contortionist would find amazing just to wipe your own butt.
5. You are willing to try any and every old wives tale out there to get baby to come out, including that terrible three letter word...J-O-G!
4. If one more person calls me and asks me if I've had the baby yet...I swear I'll explode.
3. You fantasize of carrying around a stun gun to tazer anyone who inadvertently pisses you off. Like the people mentioned in #4 or the worship leader at church who made me stand through 5 songs yesterday. Just as an example.
2. You are constantly smelling your underwear to see if what just leaked was urine (again!) or perhaps maybe, just maybe, please God let it be amniotic fluid.
1. You know the second you hold that precious little precious in your arms, all of this will be a distant memory and very much worth every minute of it!

I got an email today that said 95% of all babies arrive between 38 and 40 weeks, so here's hoping. But, don't call or email to ask might just get tazered!


AmyinMotown said...

I went overdue with Maggie and it was amazing how many people I hadn't talked to in weeks JUST SO HAPPENED to call....I started answering the phone "NOT YET." Because no one is cranky like a late-pregnancy woman is cranky. And then when I finally went into labor? Neither one of my parents were anywhere to be found, and they were practicaly rolling me into surgery before either one of them picked up their phones.

Also, do you have people seemingly compelled to tell you horrifying pregnancy and birth stories? The 90 hour labors, the serious complications, the worse-case scenarios--EVERY FREAKING PERSON who knew of such a story seemed to feel it was imortant I know about them. Like I wasn't scared enough. Maybe it's onnly a first-baby thing, but I was ready to taser those people!!!

Mindy Richmond said...

Amen to #6! I don't miss that at all.

And regarding #3 and standing through 5 worship songs... you know you can sit down, right? It's an unwritten rule that pregnant women - especially 9 month pregnant women - can do just about whatever they want.

Here's hoping you have that baby soon and that all goes smoothly!

noblekleigh said...

I'm pretty positive that you talking about smelling your underwear was a little inappropriate :) I threw up in my mouth a little bit..

Anonymous said...

did you just say you threw up in your mouth a little bit??? Like telling us that is better than the visual of smelling your own underpants???!!! Puh-lease!!!