Thursday, August 09, 2007


It wasn't long after becoming a mother that I realized my main job was to keep life balanced in the home. Maybe many first time moms don't see that, maybe they do. But, because I had triplets and one with "special needs", I quickly saw that without some vigilance things could quickly get unbalanced.

For instance, I never have liked the term "special needs" when referring to a handicapped child. Because, really what does this mean?? I mean really all of us have special needs. I know that Trisha has a special need for cuddling and for one-on-one time...always has. I know that Jonathan has a special need to have his own space and to be warned of things that are going to be different from the norm. Ryan has a special need to have his sensitive side protected. And, to think for one instance that Jaden's special needs have anything to do with his inabiltiy to walk would be to not value him as a person. He has a special need to talk through anxious situations and to be given opportunities to act like any other child. So, you see they each have needs and no one is greater than the other or more legitimate than the other.

All of this to say, that I have decided to let up on myself and the breastfeeding. This comes after several days of near constant feeding. You see, Hayleigh's special needs right now are for nutrition and for physical touch. And, through breastfeeding her needs have usurped the needs of everyone else in the house and things have gotten terribly unbalanced. SO, I began thinking that if I could meet her need for nutrition and closeness in a way that doesn't take ALL DAY LONG then that might be a good idea for all of us, even if does mean (GASP!) that she may have to drink formula from time to time. If by doing that it can free up some of my time to meet the special needs of my other kids and hey, maybe even a need or two of my husband's and still meet Hayleigh's needs, I think it has to be a win/win.

Of course, I wish I was able to successfully EBF (exclusively breastfeed) at least one of my kids. Just not in the cards. I'm not sure I am willing to throw my entire family under the bus when there is a way that is easier and softer on all of us. It's more balanced. And, that's my job. To keep balance in the home, so that everyone here can find a place where there special needs are being met.


AmyinMotown said...

Good decision (not that it matters a whit what I or anyone else thinks). You make such a good point that there are other people in your home who have needs too and if you are pinned to the couch by a breastfeeding baby all day, those needs are not getting met. That's my problem with the Boob Nazis--they refuse to acknowledge that other children, spouses, hey maybe even the mother, have needs too and they should not all be subjugated to the the almighty breastmilk. And whoa do they make you feel bad if maybe one of those needs is to NOT have a small person attached to your body 24/7.

You are doing great and you're one of the best moms I know. You and Hayliegh will do just fine no matter how you feed her.

Tracie Butka said...

I have been thinking alot about the Klan family lately and therefore have been waiting for a new post and tonight there it was: Very well put: that balence thing and yes we all have special needs. I am so proud of you, Mom of five wonderful blessings. Please find some time for yourself and know that you are being thought of and prayed for each day.

Trina said...

I just had to catch up on your blogs after vacation. I have to say I love to read your entries. I can get the humor and the emotions that comes out when you write or type I mean. Don't feel guilty about not breast feeding. I only have two kids and I gave up. My kids are fine. Well I think they are. You are so right about all kids have special needs. I have to say that I have never seen a boy like Jaden that has so much strength and so much spirit. When I see him dribble basketball at the talent show and how he gets in and out of the swimming pool, it seems as if he has no disabilities. You are doing great!