So, the kids and I bought season passes to the local pool. Thanks to a very vigorous baseball schedule and a coach who doesn't like the kids to swim on game days, our first trip to the pool was this week. There were three rules posted on the entrance:
1. No profanity
2. No Cutoffs
3. No sagging
I am not totally sure what is meant by rule number 3, but I'm pretty sure given the lack of support in the bustular region and low cut nature of my bathing suit that I was breaking it. So, I thought I should get a new suit. Being that I didn't want to spend very much money, I decided to go to KMart.
I have always really not liked KMart. I remember when I was a kid, my mom would try to get me to go to KMart to buy stuff. Please! What if I was spotted?!?! My mom tried to tell me that if someone saw me there, it would mean that they, too, were there. Of course, she failed to mention that they would probably be getting tampons or sunscreen or something else that would be acceptable to get at KMart, and there would be me with my shirt or something...can you imagine?!?!
Anyways, before heading over to the swimsuit aisle, I pick up some tampons and sunscreen just in case I should happen to run into someone. The actual picking out of the swimsuit wasn't so bad, which is surprising. I think this is most likely due tot he fact that I have totally given up. I am not going to look good. I can't look good. The goal, really at this point, is just not to scare small children with body parts falling out all over the place.
So, I pick it out and go up to the cash register. Here's what happens:
Lady: "Did you find everything you needed today?"
L: "Would you like to receive a $10 coupon over email by giving us your address?"
Me: "No thanks."
L: "Would you likr to donate $1 to Make-a-Wish?"
Me: "No thanks." (Hey...before you say anything, we already donate to make-a-wish!)
L: "Would you like to participate in a short.."
Me: "No" (thinking: What I would like to do is get my total, pay, and get out of this place!)
L: "OK...that's $24.00. Will this be on your Sears card?"
L Would you like to open a Sears card?
Seriously...this should be illegal. If I were running for president, part of my platform would be to make this illegal. Just ring me up and let me be on my way. Didn't the crying baby in my cart make her think that maybe I was at least in a semi-hurry?!?!
I think she was just trying to keep me in there to increase my chances of being spotted.