Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Fighting Depression...

That's where I'm at today. I can see where it is going to be very easy for me to begin feeling sorry for Jaden, feeling sorry for myself. That never leads anywhere good. I have to fight the feeling I am having to drop out of all of my activities and pull my kids out of school and hole us all in the house forever...that way nothing bad can ever happen to us. My minds been going on many different bunny trails, none of them very good. The one that currently tends to send me over the edge is thinking about all of the conversations I've had lately with people telling me they or their children "derserve" this or that. I *deserve* to be happy, we *deserved* a good outcome, my kids *deserve* this or that Christmas present. I don't know, I can't judge where people are at, but it just makes me want to scream!! If anyone deserves anything good, it would be Jaden, and yet, he's given a lot in life that, if it were me, I'm not sure I'd be able to bear.

I know that I know that my children are being grown into something spectacular. And, this will not be in spite of situations with Jaden, it will be because of them. I know this. And, some days, I can even praise God for it. I'm having trouble with that this week. BUt, I am fighting through it. I do have something to look forward to and get excited about....Disneyworld!! We leave in 10 days. We need this vacation together as a family now more than ever. You might even say we *deserve* it!!

1 comment:

AmyinMotown said...

Oh, Nik. I just came over here because I am watching some stupid thing on VH1 (I Love the 80s version 9 zillion) and they are referencing songs from spring Term of our freshman year, which brings back happy memories you are a huge part of. Then to see what you just went through with Jaden. That poor boy and you poor parents. I am so happy to hear he's doing so much better and so terribly sorry for what you had to go through. I went through exactly five hours of fading-heartrate scare before I even met Maggie and it's still one of my worst memories; I can't imagine how tough this must have been for you with your sweet son.

You'll be in my prayers, as always. have a GREAT time at Disney and have a margarita or something--that you DO deserve :-)!