Monday, October 23, 2006

2008 Elections

I have gotten access to a top secret document outlining the agenda of the 2008 Democratic National Convention. Now, although it is a very top secret document, I have chosen to share it with some of my closest friends:

7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding-- Barney Frank Presiding with NAMBLA QUEEN
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan-- Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender-- French President Jacques Chirac
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay . Sean Penn
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore 9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers-- Howard Dean
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahnadinejad
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War criminals-- John Kerry
11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. H illary Rodham Clinton
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy is toasted AGAIN
12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home


noblekleigh said...

Ok the only funny thing about this post is the Ted Kennedy bit...I'm sure you might see the Governator at some of these sessions :)

alaina said...

I agree with kleigh, the Kennedy bit is the only thing funny - and it is quite funny! But by reinventing the internet, Al Gore will at least have a general idea of how it works unlike Republican Senator Stevens who said just a few months ago "The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material." And that's a direct quote, not a purposeful misinterpretation of a statement! But no need to worry, his ignorance can't hurt our country too much considering he was only the Chairman of Commerce, Science and Transportation at the time. I think this man truly negates your theory that the worst republican is better than the best democrat! :)