Well,

Since that last post prompted such heated debate...let me explain what he meant by the quote.

I heard a guy saying that parents today put way too much of a value on a good education. Not that higher education isn't a good thing, but that true greatness can't be achieved through education. Nor is education a leading indicator of how much someone will make when they grow up. nN fact, he sited research that showed that kids who were A students most likely grow up to be educators. C students having given up on trying to keep up are most likely to become entrepeneurs. Thus, A students teach B students to work for C students.

I think I may have needed to hear that. Not that I necessarily agree with him. I'll give you a "for instance". We had Open House at school on Monday. It was a wonderful evening. And, although they say they are not supposed to talk about individual performance. I did hear really good things from all of the good teachers. And, I mean really good...like top of the class good. And, this boggles my mind. Because, in reality, I have done everything wrong. Some of it wasn't entirely my fault. I mean the triplets were born premature. They spent weeks in the hospital. They weren't held all the time to help those brain synapses get going, I didn't breastfeed, I barely read to them. I let them watch Teletubbies and other programs and I let them eat sugar and play video games. So, I ask you? How in the world are they doing so well?? I stand in awe..I tell you. And, I believe it is a miracle! You tell me without saying it's a miracle how Jaden, who had a 7 minute cardiac arrest at 4 weeks old is reading at a 6th grade ++ level. It's impossible.

But, here's the thing. I can't put all of my hope on that. In fact, if all my kids do is do really well at school, then I have failed as a parent. If I haven't taught them that all of that is rubbish compared to the surpassing greatness of Christ (Phillipians 3), then I have failed.

It would be nice if the fact that in 3rd and 1st grade they are doing well in school meant that they would do well in life. It would be nice if there were some "leading indiciators" that would tell me if they would lead wonderful, fulfilling, adult lives where they serve God and others and have wonderful people in their lives who support and love them through ups and downs. I just don't know if there are. Which is why I keep praying...

Interesting.

Here's a quote I heard toady...think about it and then let me know your reaction. No, really, I"m serious about that...let me know your reaction. You know, using the comments feature ;-)

This is in reference to the value of higher education as it relates to being successful (monetarily) in life:

A students teach B students how to work for C students.

Hmmmmm....

An Open Letter to MIchigan Drivers

God help you!

I know that your economy depends on cars being bought/sold. Therefore, you must reason, that if you drive crazy and wreck a car and buy a new one, everyone wins. That's the only thing I can figure. Several questions...

1) If I am going 75 in the right lane, why do you ride my tail and get irate?
2) Conversely, how come I can be practically riding your bumper going 70 and then have to get up to 85 to pass you? Most cars built after 1974 have cruise control...it is a lovely thing.
3) IN most states, the left lane is used as a passing lane. If you have 300 cars in line behind you, a good thing to do is pull over and let the faster traffic through.

And, to the lady in Ann Arbor with the "Peace" etc. bumper stickers including one that said, "Hitting kids is never OK": Do you see the irony in yourself when you weave in and out of traffic with your child in the car going at least 80 MPH? Just curious.

Thank you...I feel much better now.

Family Size

So, I've been thinking lately about family size. The thing is I have gotten very used to people bugging their eyes out when they find out I have four kids, as if that is a big family. Even more astonishing to people is when I mention that if I could (if Rob/God allowed), I would have AT LEAST one more. Why is that so weird? There are stranger, less productive things I could invest my time in. And, for people who study the Bible, aren't we taught that "Sons are an inheritance from the Lord; children a reward from Him. " Psalm 127:3 and "Blessed is the man whose quiver is full[of children]" Psalm 127:5? I don't know...it's just something I've been thinking about! Anyway, I'll share with you this thing I got from a friend to highlight my point:

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $240,000 for a middle income family. Talk about price shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. But $240,000 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into * $13,333 a year, * $1100.38 a month, or * $250.00 a week. * That's a mere $36.00 a day! * Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite.

What do you get for your $240,000?
* Naming rights. First, middle, and last
* Glimpses of God every day
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day

For $240,000 you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger -paint.
* carve pumpkins.
* play hide-and-seek.
* catch lightning bugs.
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh.
* watch Saturday morning cartoons.
* go to Disney movies.
* wish on stars

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day

For a mere $36.00 a day, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof.
* taking the training wheels off a bike.
* removing a splinter.
* filling a wading pool.
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs.
* and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless

You get a front row seat in history to witness the:
* first step
* first word
* first bra
* first date
* first time behind the wheel

You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!

Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren. It's the best investment you'll make.

My 100th post

Yes, on this, Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day, I made my 100th post. In honor of this occasion, I present you with this quick quiz to see what your pirate personality might be. Enjoy!

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/ppi.html

The Zany Adventures of Kosmo Kramer

I shouldv'e known when we named our cat after this guy 11 years ago, he'd be nothing but trouble. You see, we've been trying to get rid of our cat for many weeks now. Why? Because he no longer uses his litter box. We've tried adopting him out to people...no luck. Here's a snapshot of some of the things we have tried recently to get rid of him.

Trip to Humane Society:
Me: "Hi. Um, can you please take my cat?"
Nasty-PETA-Lesbian-Lady: "Why, what's wrong with him?"
Me: "Well, he pees and poops all over the place."
NPLL: "Have you tried changing the litter?"
Me (Only in my head) Response #1: "Well, I did change it that one time when we moved to our house 6 years ago." Response #2: "What is this 'litter' you speak of?"
Me: "Um, yeah...I've changed the litter."
NPLL: "Well, we are are full and can't take any more cats. We have over 200 cats" yada, yada, yada
Me: "Can I trade?"
NPLL: "No."

Ok. Let's try the vet.

Me: "Hi. WE totally hate, er, I mean love our cat. BUt, he's peeing and pooping all over the place. Is there anything we can do for him?"
Dr.: "Well, maybe he has an infection, we could give him some antibiotics."
Me: "Yeah. Can't we just, say, put him to sleep?"
Dr. :" Well, I can't ethically do that." Yada, yada, yada.
Bottom Line: My cat comes home with some antibiotics and antidepressants. If those don't work in 4-6 weeks, we can talk about putting him down. And, yes, I did say my cat is on antidepressants.

Here are things still left to try:

1) Go to an out of town vet, walk in and say, "Hi, I'm Sally Jones and this is Tiger for a 11:00 appointment." The receptionist will say she doesn't have us listed for an appointment. I'll say, "I'll go out to the car and get the card." Leaving Kosmo in the waiting room, I'll "go out to get the card" and take off!

2) Drop Kosmo off at a very exclusive resort AKA "Butkas Cat Care Business". At BCCB, cats are encourged to return to the feral roots. They are dropped of in a remote section of a large farm and then allowed to fend for themselves.

3) Keep Kosmo outside all of the time until one of the neighbors complain that I am mistreating my cat. I think then the humane society will come and get it. Sure, it might mean a night or two in jail for Rob and/or I, but really, it's a small price to pay.

4) Have the children start peeing and pooping all over the place as an object lesson to show Kosmo just how ridiculous he is being.

5) {INSERT YOUR SUGGESTION HERE}

9/11/01

I find myself watching alot of the coverage of the 9/11 anniversary events today. I'm not really sure why...it really hadn't fazed me the past few years. Who can help but think about where they were 5 years ago today. This morning, as I watched the Today show, Jonathan came down and sat on my lap and asked me, "What is 9/11?". I asked him some questions to see if he had any memory of the event and was kind of surprised to find out that he didn't. Strange, isn't it?An event he can't even remember will have such a profound impact on his life.

Most of the children in today's elementary schools can't remember 9/11, but their parents sure can. People who have taught for a long, long time say that this generation of parents are some of the most over-protective and un-trusting they have seen. NO wonder.Think of what we have seen since then...the images we've had to process. We've seen terrorists bomb busses, trains, and subways. We've seen them invade schools and take hostages. We've been told that we need to come up with a family terror plan and buy plastic covers and duck tape for our windows. We've seen arrests and close calls. We've seen danger.

We no longer have to just worry about strangers approaching our children on the street, we have to worry about them posing as 13 year-olds and approaching them in chat rooms. We no longer have to just worry about our children getting sick from the flu or pneumonia, there's now Avian Flu, SARS, anthrax. WE don't just have to worry about our kids getting in fights with kids at school, but we have to worry about MySpace character asassinations. And, whether it's conscience like it is today, or buried somewhere in our subconscience, we worry that one day, maybe soon, our kids could be victims of a terror attack. So, maybe, just maybe, there is good reason for our overproectiveness and untrusting natures.

During an interview with President Bush today, Matt Lauer asked, "If we saw all of the intelligence that you see on a daily basis, would it be harder for us to sleep at night?" The president said probably so. So, Matt Lauer asked, "So, then, how do you sleep at night?" And, the President answered, "Because I have faith in Almighty God" Amen. You see, I owe it to my children to remember that though I do not know what the future holds, I know WHO holds the future. I know WHO holds their future. And, I pray that He will guard them and protect them, especially when I can't.

Some Interesting Comversations

I had this weekend... I'll keep the names confidential to protect the innocent.

This one struck me as strange:

Me to Son #1 who came downstairs after sleeping in his underwear: "Son, what's all over the front of your underwear?"
S1: "Chocolate"
Me: "Ummm, how did you get chocolate all over the front of your underwear"
S1: "I was eating chocolate in bed."
Me: "Okaaaaaay."

This one made me laugh:

Son #2(these are not in birth order, don't try to guess) was trying to do the Hand Jive from Grease. After messing up a few times, S2 exclaims: "Great! Now I'll never get in Grease the Musical!"


Here's another:

During the playing of Family Basketball last night (or, as I call it, the time where I sit inside terribly embarrased at my children's lack of ability to get along with one another) Son #1 was really being uncooperative. I asked him to come inside and I told him he was being uncooperative. He got very upset, indeed. After he calmed down, I asked him why he got so upset. He said that he didn't like my calling him a name. I said, "Uncooperative?" He said, "Yes. I don't even know who Uncle Ofrative is!"

I can't tell you any about Trisha since that would be a dead give-away! :)

What I Did This Summer

In typical back-to-school-essay style: (Although I've forgotten how to write an essay)

Besides the everyday summer type things like swimming, picnics, playdates, movies, vacations, etc. I did something very interesting this summer. I went on a 30 day fast. Yes, it's true. From June 12th-July 11th, I ate nothing! I only drank juices and water and maybe occassionally some tea.

I decided to fast because I felt like I needed some cleansing physically and spiritually. John Piper in his book, "A Hunger for God" says: "If you have no desire for God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because you have nibbled too long at the table of the world. Your soul is stuffed with small things and there is no room for the great. God did not create you for this. "

The first week was difficult but after that it really was quite, well, refreshing, I guess. It was really an incredible experience, and probably something I will try to do once a year.

So, what are you doing with all of your free time?

That seems to be the question of the week. So, to everyone who has asked, here are the top 10 things I plan on doing with my free time:

10. Attempt to get my name on the highscore board daily on GSN.com's Phrase Frenzy
9. Call my sister everyday when the kids get on the bus (7:30 her time) to wake her up, just for the fun of it.
8. Work hard at breaking the world record for number of Bon-Bons eaten in one day.
7. Exercise incessantly until I have the perfect body...NA! Scratch that, that doesn't sound like fun afterall!
6. Have lunch everyday with a different friend.
5. GO shopping to buy new outfits so that I look fabulous when I go out to lunch with my friends.
4. Take up a new addiction.
3. Stalk my children up at school. BTW, binoculars are on my wish list for my birthday, people.
2. Become a "Master Lurker" in the blog world by reading and never commenting.

And, the number one thing I plan on doing with my free time....
1. Get regular haircuts, eyebrow waxings, manicures and pedicures.

So, there!

A Letter to My Kids on Their First Day of School

Dear Kids,

Well, it's here. The first day of school. Summer sure flew by. There were so many things that I wanted to do with you this summer. But, as usual, time flew by and most of them went un-done. However, I do think we had a great time together even with the few wrenches thrown into our plans.

Trisha, when I hugged you goodbye this morning, I didn't want to let go. You have such a sweet, caring spirit and I know the world can be cruel. I think your teacher is going to do a great job of nurturing your creative side, but I know you are worried about some of the girls in your class. I wish I could tell you that girl politics will get better, but I am afraid it doesn't. Just know what an awesome person you are, and know that I am going to pay very, very close attention to that this year. I love you.

Jonathan, when I hugged you goodbye this morning, I didn't want to let go. I am amzed at what a responsible young man you are becoming and I am amazed at what a gentleman you are. I have some concerns about your teacher...in some ways, she reminds me of the one you had in first grade. I'm praying that she'll bond with you immediately and appreciate your humor and your willingness to learn in the same way your dad and I do. I love you.

Jaden, when I hugged you goodbye this morning, I didn't want to let you go. I know how hard this is for you. I know how anxious you are. I could see the fear on your face as you got on the bus. But, you were brave and you did it and I am very, very proud of you. I am excited for you because your teacher seems great and the aide that you love is back for another year. You're an extremely hard worker and wherever you go you motivvate people. I love you.

Ryan, when I hugged you goodbye this morning, I didn't want to let you go. Oh my gosh, how fast time has flown! And, despite my wishing and calling you my "baby", it became very clear this morning that you certainly are a big boy and very ready for first grade. You're definitely a free spirit and part of me worries about your obedience level in school. I know that you'll do great, your teacher is awesome and you love to learn and you love to please. I love you.

It's weird, given the way the last week went with all of the fighting, I was really looking forward to this day. After your busses left, I went back inside the house and I couldn't believe how quiet it was...nearly too quiet. In fact, here it is 11:30 and I miss you terribly. In fact, I'm going to go up to school soon so I can stalk you while you're at recess.

May God bless you and keep you, may He make your paths straight, may He cause your teachers to fall in love with you and may He raise up friends who will be a positive influence in your lives.

All my love, Mom

My Goodness!

I haven't posted in so long. It's not that I haven't thought about you, it's just that we have been so busy enjoying the last few days of summer vacation. Here's waht we've been up to:


Ryan at First Grade Orientation. I really haven't seen him that quiet and still in a very, very long time. His teacher is very nice and nurturing. She greeted him by getting down to his eye level and telling him how glad she was to have him in her class. ROb asked if I cried. Um, yeah, nearly. Very different from my first first grade orientation experience.

Trisha is getting ready to do the rock-climbing wall at the the Triplets' ninth (yes, that's right, ninth, birthday party!)

That's Rob up on the tippy top of the rick climbing wall. As you can guess, his colon is feeling better and he is nearly 100%. Hooray!

Here's the crazy boys at the birthday party. We had both boys and girls together. I was surprised that there was some boy/girl chasing. But, overall, I think it was just good, clean fun! Although I do use the term "clean" very, very loosely! :)


This is Jaden up to bat at the Pony League World Series Opening Game. It was the perfect day for baseball. Jaden has been playing in a league sponsored by the Washington Wild Things for special need children. They are called the Lil Wild Things and do lots of neat things. This game to open the Pony League World Series is just one of them.

Here we are at a Washington Wild Things game. Jaden got to go out to the Pitchers MOund and be on the field for the singing of the National Anthem...another perfect day!

That's just a few highlight. I promise to get bback to the witty and touching stories(if I do say so myself) after the 28th. Until then, here's to enjoying what's left of summer!!

One big basket of eggs

Rob was in the hospital for 5 days last week/this week. That wasn't a lot of fun, I have to be honest. He's better now and I think he's going to be fine. But, I don't like going to sleep alone. Because then all I have to keep me company is my thoughts.

Here's the thing: After the triplets were born, I made a decision to stay at home with them, to become a housewife, if you will. I have pretty much always worked some sort of parttime position, but as far as being career-minded goes, that pretty much went out the window in 1997. This isn't something I think of often, but by choosing to be a housewife, I have pretty much put all of my eggs in the "rob" basket. I am pretty much totally dependent on him for my financial well-being. Normally, this thought doesn't really come to mind, or if it does, it doesn't bother me, but with him laying in a hospital bed and doctors not being sure what was wrong, this really began to bother me. IN fact, it has me totally rethinking my decision not to work. Everyone knows it's not a good idea to have all of your eggs in one basket.

Rob tells me he has plenty of life insurance and he was kind enough to say I still have some things going for me so I could find another man. Great. Just what I want. After I worked so hard to break in this one! Of course, it looks like ROb is going to be around for a good long time, but I'm still going to be looking for that job!

The Pediatician

Ryan saw the Pediatrician this week for his well visit. He is doing very well. But, I did receive some very, very upsetting news at the visit: Dr. Porter is leaving the practice and moving to NY.

Dr. Porter joined the practice right around the time Ryan was born and he's been my favorite ever since. He's been there for well visits and visits with sick kids. He's handled my slightly-neurotic-albeit-inside-the-bounds-of-normal questions without making me feel like an idiot. We've talked about the danger/benefits of vaccinations and he's given me tips on how to get my children to do or stop doing just about anything I've wanted them to do or stop doing. He's called my home after Jaden's surgeries to make sure we were OK. He knows off the top of his head that Ryan had some blood work done at 2 years old, and still sucks his thumb, and that Jonathan has an "innocent" heart murmer. (Not the kind that will kill him on a rollercoaster, I asked). He's reassured me that yes, around 9 years old, girls do start to change a bit.

In a nutshell, I've entrusted Dr. Porter with the health and wellbeing of my children, which is, in essence, trusting him with my heart. That's why I'm not embarassed that when he gave me a hug and wished my family well, I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

Now on to terrorizing the newbie...

Big Brother

You have to help me! I am in the throws of a very powerful addiction! I am hooked on Big Brother 7 - All Stars. It's true. I love it. I can't get enough. I watch every episode and although I haven't stooped so far as to buy the Live Feed package, I do read the daily postings of those who have. You know, there is a girl who stays up all night to watch the houseguests and report on their happenings. As much as I'd like to think that is totally weird, most of the good strategizing happens in the middle of the night, so I'm really glad she does it! My sister says I need to get a life, and perhaps that's true. After James wins the big money and spltis it with his biggest fan (me), I'll be sure to get started on it. Big Brother isn't watching me, I'm watching it!

Speaking of 1984, I've been school shopping with Trisha lately and I've noticed that tight, pegged ankle length jeans with boots are back as are wearing black leggings under a short denim skirt. Big bangs can't be far behind, right? And I was jst getting used to the "long and lean" look of the flared leg jean. Those 80s pants just made me look short and stumpy....bummer.

In the words of Jaden: peace, out!

Michigan

Michigan's OK. I mean it's not Penna and it's not "round in the ends and high in the middle", but it's pretty OK. Yesterday the kids and I got back from a fun time visiting with my parents. On the first day, we went to a lake and swam. Do you know how much it cost...$4.00 for the whole family!! For $20.00, you could get a pass to come to the lake for the whole year and swim. That's a $165.00 savings over the 5 pool passes I bought. Now, of course, that would not be a full savings, because if you are going to swim in a lake all summer, you'd have to account for the copays of hospital visits and pharmaceuticals required to rid your family of various bacterium such as E.Coli or MRSA. But, still, a better deal.

On another day, we went to the Rainforest Cafe. I think only Auburn Hills and Disneyworld/land have Rainforest Cafes, so you know it's gotta be an alright place. Good times and where else can you ahve good food and have your kids freak out from loud thunderstorms every 30 minutes...just kidding...I love it there. Makes me want to move there, I tell ya.

Also, when I was there I read a very disturbing book that I can't get out of my head. It is called, "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoulet. I read it in like 4 hours. About a family dealing with a daughter with Leukemia. There's alot to it and I highly recommend it, but I could really see myself in the mom of the book. I hate to compare cancer to Spina Bifida, but I think one thing I could see is that when you have a kid with some chronic health problems, there are bound to be times when your other kids are "thrown under the bus" so to speak, while you deal with the tragedy at hand.

A good trip was had by all...

Yikes!

TRISHA HAS CHICKEN POX.

I know, it's like saying she has an 8 track player or an Atari system. She had even been vaccinated. Lord help me!!

Happy Birthday, Little King

6 YEARS OLD!!! It is so hard to believe. But, as they say, time flies when you're having fun and I so enjoy having Ryan for a son. BTW, the name Ryan means "Little King"

Thanks Craiglist!

I don't know how to do links, but this was so funny, I had to make sure you saw it. Makes me very thankful I no longer work in an office...Enjoy! :)

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N): A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the hereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS: A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TODD: An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.

Four Things about me
Things you may not have known about me.....
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. McDonald's Drive Thru lady
2. Dental Receptionist
3. Something-or-other at a Financial Services Firm
4. Leasing Agent for an Apartment Complex

B) Four Movies I would watch over and over.
1. Grease
2. Father of the Bride
3. Jerry Maguire
4. Terms of Endearment

C) Four Places I have lived
1. Milford, MI
2. East Lansing, MI
3. Bethel Park, PA
4. Canonsburg PA

D) Four TV shows I love to watch
1. Guiding Light
2. Survivor
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. Amazing Race

E) Four places I've been on vacation
1. Nassau, Bahamas
2. St. Petersburg, FL
3. Disneyworld
4. Amaraillo, TX

F) Web sites I visit
1. EverythingFing.blogspot.com
2. noelheikkinen.com
3. ebay.com
4. mothering.com

G) Four of my favorite foods
1. ice cream
2. pizza
3. anything mexican
4. Gorgeous Gorgonzola salad from Bella Piatto

H) Four Places I'd rather be right now
1. The Beach
2. Heaven
3. Shopping
4. Asleep in bed

OK, LURKERS, here's your chance, jump in and tell me more about you by answering the same questions. Doesn't it sound like fun :-)